nietzscheisdead:

everyone’s beautiful (except rap and country)

(via wwiao)

urietarded:

school isn’t working out for me i’m joining the cannibal epidemic 

(via have-a-happy-period-always)

3rd grade friend: *whispering* if you're stupid say "what"
me: what
friend: OH MAN
OH
OH DEAR FUCKING CHRIST
I GOT YOU SO GOOD, THAT WAS AWESOME
SWEET, SWEET DICKS IN MY MOUTH. I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED THIS HARD. EVER.
JESUS. JESUS HELP ME.

Who came up with kisses? The very first kiss must have really been creepy.

“What are you doing to my face?”

“Just trust me on this one”

(Source: dirtyluxury, via have-a-happy-period-always)

assernathy:

why don’t all of you just shut the fuck up and realize that this is just a movie award show on a network where they glorify pregnant teenagers

(via sassy-gay-oncologist)

Teacher: What do ovaries do?
Me: Explode at the sight of attractive men
Teacher: Wat
Class: Wat
Me: ...I mean make eggs

me: i'm gonna go tan in my backyard this weekend
weather: no
rain: hey
lightning: hi
thunder: sup